My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
