YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
