I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think people are normalizing furries
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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