Cold hands, warm shart.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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