she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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