Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
