i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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