Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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