Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
