I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
