If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
