I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
