He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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