she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
