the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize