sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
