Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
