Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
