put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
