from now on my penis is your penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize