Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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