I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
