We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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