Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
