btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
