I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
