I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
