I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
