I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
