I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
