she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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