5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
