Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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