In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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