What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
