i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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