so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
