So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize