So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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