My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
