I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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