Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
