I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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