So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
