I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
