Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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