i just wanna soil my oats bro
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
