Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
