Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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