Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
