So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk is a universal language darling
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize