OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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