Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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