so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
