And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
