I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
