in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
