I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
