sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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