I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
