I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
