U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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