In the future we'll all be gay
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
