hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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