u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
