Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
