On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize