at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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