also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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