don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize